Sitting with Discomfort (or: Choosing a Fresh Alternative)

In dharma practice, we train ourselves to sit with discomfort—not just the physical kind, but the deeper kind: not getting what we want, or getting what we don’t want.

That discomfort can show up in countless ways—from something as small as the grocery store being out of the ingredient you needed for dinner, to not landing a job you deeply hoped for, to the end of a relationship. Life constantly presents us with these moments. We don’t get what we want. Or we get what we don’t want.

But are we sure?

So often, these moments of displeasure are echoes of old conditioning—responses we’ve reinforced over years, even decades. Part of the practice is to train ourselves to pause in those moments. To tune into the bodily sensations that arise. This often interrupts the mental commentary that quickly labels the moment as bad or wrong.

What am I really feeling right now?
Can I bring some space around that feeling?
Can I soften into it—or even let it go?

This is the moment where spontaneous creativity may arise. Pema Chödrön calls it “choosing a fresh alternative.”

Yesterday, I expected my partner to come home and share a meal with me. It was a beautiful spring evening, and I had imagined dinner on the deck. When he called to say he had a responsibility to take care of for someone else, I felt disappointed—followed by that familiar confusion: What now?

In the past, this unexpected turn might have triggered anger, loneliness, even a sense of being unloved. I might have started spinning stories about the person who needed his help or about my place in his priorities.

But this time, I saw the old pattern beginning to stir.

And I chose something different.

I did nothing.

I just sat there. On the edge of the couch. Breathing. Watching. Really being with those thoughts and feelings, letting them be there for a moment.

Quite quickly, they gave way to blankness. And a minor, almost curious sense of disorientation: What next?

What next? What would I like to do this evening?

Not long after, I found myself heading to the rocky coast with a book and sunglasses, ready to watch the sun go down over the Mediterranean. It was a blissful evening with myself.

This is why we practice meditation. We get good at sitting and watching comfort dissolve into discomfort. And we get good at sitting in discomfort until it dissolves into something else. 

Life is constantly changing, so why cling to one state of being, and avoid another? What if we get good at welcoming in whatever state is arising? What if we get good at observing how our thoughts race without acting on them? And what if we shift our focus from our thoughts to our bodily sensations? 

We may create a little bit of space. Acknowledge the discomfort. Find our breath. And be okay there. And in that space, something new will undoubtedly arise.

A fresh alternative.

What would yours be?

Come and develop a practice with us, every Wednesday evening from October 29-December 10.